Self judgement is a bitch. It makes everything seem like an insurmountable mountain that we will never be able to climb. How could we possible present something imperfect to the world when all we see out there on YouTube and Instagram is either perfectly happy and beautiful or utterly stupid and laughable?

The world is a juggernaut of extremes and oscillates between greatness and banishment at the flap of a butterfly wing. We are on a roller coaster of rich highs and poor lows, pinnacles of Bezos-like success juxtaposed with nadirs of broken suicidal loneliness. And ironically these days, the rich and famous are ones that, every day, get hung up on the cross of public perception.

I can just see the talk I am going to have with my kids now. “Kids. Whatever you do, don’t get rich and famous because that will almost guarantee that you will be unhappy and that, most likely, you will not be able to hold a solid relationship and have kids that are not miserably spoiled and entitled.”

So why this desperate attempt to portray ourselves as huge, successful, brilliant, world changing geniuses. Why this desperate attempt to be wealthy or a celebrity?

Last week, I went out to Arrowhead Lake which is basically like a giant beautiful gated country club lake — totally private and unapproachable. Essentially, you cannot even access the lake unless you or someone you know has a house on the lake. It was there that I saw one of the most obvious images that our whole economic system is broken. It was a giant 16,000 square foot house with twelve bedrooms and fourteen bathrooms right on the water with an elevator, a boat dock, and a heated driveway. And this house was all for one family that didn’t even live there. Yep, you heard me right. They just bought this ten million dollar mansion on the water to come for maybe a couple weekends out of the year.

16,000 square foot lakefront mansion

I was just imagining the dude (or lady) who bought the house. Does he feel amazing, on top of the world, like the biggest cock in the coup? Does she feel like a badass, like all her dreams have come true, like now she has completed all her ambitions and can just hang out on her perfectly manicured lawn and read books while she watches tourists point at her enormous house and take pictures? Is that the point? Or what exactly is the point?

I wonder at all of this as I try to build up my business. Sure I want to make a big impact on the world. Sure, I want to be successful and help people to achieve their dreams. But, do I really want to end up like a rich king with one kid and a ten person staff in a fourteen bedroom mansion for the weekend? Or do I? Do we all?

I guess what I am saying is that everyone still wants to be rich and famous even though that clearly does not guarantee friends, happiness, or that people will like you. And yet here I am, turning to the internet of extremes. I sit motionless at the precipice, reading and re-reading this piece, my trembling finger hovering over the send button, unwilling to take a step to approach either success or defeat.

You know what F%$&-IT!